Sometimes when I reflect back my past life and compare my bygone past image to the present one, I hardly recognize myself. This is indeed very worrying!! What a dreadful person I have become. I feel like an empty shell. I feel like a withered flower which once had a rich nectar of life. What changes have come in me? And how and why? These questions strike my mind. Is this the natural course of the life or have I degraded my former self? This is not welcoming news to my self esteem.
What one thing departs my present self to the former is the absence of enthusiasm and curiosity. I know I work harder than before but then also I feel nothing accomplished. To me everything was wonderful and all the question of whys and hows used to keep me interested in the things and stuffs. I had a collection of scrap books with full of news and information on almost everything. That was my hobby. My favourite past time. I think I have developed a ‘ take it for granted’ syndrome. Now I begin to think that the disadvantage of getting older and sophisticated is that very few things affect you cause you are used with the same pattern of life and you don’t have enthusiasm to seek out new avenues. Life becomes tiresome running in a treadmill but your destination is still far away.
I used to take a great joy simply in taking a walk but now its just your two legs stretching in automaticity. I have many friends than before but my best friends are still from the school and college. Well my present friends are very pleasant to talk to but I don’t know , may be due to the inhibition I have developed over time for the people because I see people as people only, a third party in my life. I don’t see myself in them.
You do something just for the sake of doing it. You work just for the sake of making a living. You study just for the sake of getting more worried and insecured about your life. You eat just for the sake of eating. With each new day I am feeling like I have become different than yesterday. Well change is obvious but it doesn’t necessarily have to be good.
If you are reading this don’t get me wrong that I am getting into some melancholic malady. Its just that I am little bit worried that I am slowly getting sucked into this normal affairs of the world where you just become a man from a human. I am worried that someday I may be in loss of tears or laughter and just become an uncompassionate hard conch shell .
Life is dreadful cause its mundane!!
Thoughts and Reminiscence 